“Defense against harm is a fundamental requirement of life.” —Joseph LeDoux, neuroscientist
Not too long ago I attended a webinar in which the facilitator suggested that if you find yourself freaked out by a difficult or confrontational conversation, you just need to “get back into your prefrontal cortex” in order to formulate responses without fear.
If only it were that simple.
Telling a person in the middle of a heated conversation or stressful situation to “just get back to your logical brain” is like telling someone in the middle of a sprint to simply lower their heart rate.
The intention makes sense, but the physiology doesn’t work that way.
Let’s break down why this approach is incompatible with how our nervous system works…and what can work instead.
The Fight-Flight-Freeze Pathway
The body’s survival response isn’t a switch that can get flipped on or off.
Our brains are constantly receiving sensory input and analyzing it for potential threats. Most of this happens outside conscious awareness.
For example, if someone raises their voice in a conversation, your brain may register it as a threat before you consciously realize it.
This survival response is part of our brain’s natural wiring. Neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux puts it this way: “Survival circuits detect key trigger stimuli on the basis of innate programming or past experience.” Then they “control behavioral responses and internal physiological adjustment that help bring closure to the situation.”
Translated: When your brain registers a threat, it activates a response designed to protect you from that threat.
Heart rate increases. Breathing changes. Stress hormones (like adrenaline and cortisol) are released. Muscles tense. Attention narrows. Digestion slows. The sympathetic nervous system begins preparing the body for action.
You’re still using your prefrontal cortex to some extent. But there’s a shift in priorities. More energy and resources go toward survival-oriented processing, making it more difficult to access the flexible thinking, planning, impulse control, and perspective-taking functions associated with the prefrontal cortex.
The goal is survival. That doesn’t mean all thinking capabilities go out the window.
When Fear Enters the Equation
The fight-flight-freeze pathway is also thought of as the ‘fear response.’
But that’s not entirely accurate either.
Neurologically, a survival circuit is programmed to detect and respond to threats, but it doesn’t directly produce the emotional feeling of fear.
For example, let’s go back to our previous scenario where someone raises their voice in a conversation. If your brain registers this as a threat, the instinctive response may be to…
- Respond in kind, raise your voice back at them, and escalate further (fight)
- Cut off the conversation and leave (flight)
- Shutdown and struggle to formulate a response (freeze)
You might be thinking, “These are wildly different responses.”
And that’s kind of what I’m getting at.
The purpose of a survival circuit is simply to end/defend from the threat.
As to how that manifests in your behavior, and how you feel in response…that depends on a huge number of other factors.
If you follow my work, you’ve no doubt heard me talk about how memories and past experiences impact how we react and respond to present situations.
In the raised-voice scenario, a person who has experienced verbal abuse is likely to experience an FFF response as well as feel fear. Someone without that history may still have the neurological fight-flight-freeze response to the threat, but with a much smaller emotional response.
Emotions are tricky like that. We often assume our reaction is being caused by the situation itself, when in reality we’re responding to the meaning our brain has assigned to the situation.
There is still a lot to discover about how the brain processes memories and produces emotions, but we do know that the amygdala assigns emotional value to the sensory input it receives. So when trauma enters the picture, the slightest sensory triggers (a certain smell, a specific color) can set off a deep emotional response.
This too is part of the brain’s natural wiring—and how your neurological system tries to warn and protect you.
How to Effectively Regulate & Reason
So. Where does that leave us?
Our defensive survival circuits come in handy during moments when we’re truly in danger.
The challenge is that the same system can activate when your boss sends an unexpected meeting invite, someone questions your competence, or you’re about to deliver a presentation to 500 people.
In these moments, you can’t simply force yourself back into your logical brain.
But there are steps you can take to transition out of defense mode:
- Regulate first.
- Reason second.
“Regulate first” means helping the nervous system recognize, “Hey, we’re safe. That’s not a real threat.”
There are many ways to do this, but here are three that are highly effective:
- Signal with your body. Slow your breathing, take a walk, or stretch for a few minutes. These calming actions signal to the nervous system, “False alarm, we’re still safe.”
- Introduce sensory input that calms you down. Just as our brain can associate certain sensory inputs with trauma, it associates others with good memories and feelings of calm. Examples could be a favorite song (auditory), or petting a furry friend (tactile).
- Give your brain more context/data. Think about it—fragments of information or sensory input associated with unpleasant memories can trigger an FFF response. When your brain registers a threat, it can help to talk about the situation with someone you trust or gather more information before drawing conclusions. Introducing new perspectives and data can help the brain realize the initial response was blown out of proportion.
Once your nervous system is no longer in defense mode, your brain can devote more energy back to the prefrontal cortex. This is where “reason second” comes in. Without your brain’s ‘threat alarm’ ringing, it becomes easier to analyze the situation rationally and decide how to react.
Regulate first, reason second is also the sequence behind my Spot-Check-Flip-Lock methodology.
If you’re flooded with emotion, jumping straight to reframing is often ineffective. First, spot your thought patterns so you can recognize when you’re having an FFF response. Then check the facts before accepting the “threat” (this could be anything from someone’s comment to internal thoughts of self-doubt).
Once you regulate, you can flip to a more empowering thought and lock it in with practice.
Remember, your nervous system is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. The goal isn’t to override it, but rather to work with it. When you do, you can diffuse the FFF response, regain access to your logical brain, and respond to situations in a more grounded and measured way.
