“Send me selfies so I can post one.”—my very persistent (and awesome) assistant
I’m a speaker and singer who loves performing on stage. Yet, when my assistant tries to get just one selfie out of me to post on LinkedIn…
I get scared.
I know I should post more photos and personal stories. If I want my work to reach the people it’s meant to reach, they need to feel me in it…not just read polished messaging under polished graphics.
But there’s something about turning the camera on myself and then posting that makes me feel self-conscious and exposed in a way I don’t like. When my thoughts start spiraling, sometimes it turns into a full internal argument about identity, credibility, exposure, and whether civilization is collapsing…all because I took a selfie 😵💫.
Luckily, I have a great team. They called it out for what it is: a fear-based limiting thought pattern (wonder where they got that idea?). And they challenged me to write this email today, sharing how I am reframing my thoughts around—of all things—taking photos of myself.
If I’m asking other people to examine the thoughts that keep them small, then I have to be willing to do the same thing for myself. So here we go.
What’s So Scary About Selfies? EVERYTHING.
It took me a while to realize my aversion to selfies was fear-based. Because that wasn’t the story I told myself.
When we don’t want to do something, we tell ourselves a story about why we’re not doing it that sounds perfectly rational. We call it preference, timing, standards, caution, privacy, whatever fits.
I would tell my assistant, “I’m private. I don’t want to be performative. I’d rather create posts that add value.” And all of those statements are true—to a point.
When I started to dig deeper, I realized that even though my excuses sounded principled, they were still excuses.
The part I didn’t want to admit is that, when I post a selfie, I overly worry about what other people will think. Will they think I’m just trying to get attention? Or that I’m oversharing? Or that I look foolish for posting my silly little photo? Or that I have a crooked smile (I do)?
Here’s what I discovered about my thought patterns around this:
➡️ Sharing a framework or educational content feels safe because I’m putting an idea out there.
➡️ Sharing a selfie or a personal story feels vulnerable because I’m putting myself out there.
It’s more open to judgment. More open to being misunderstood. More open to that awful inner commentary that starts whispering, “Who do you think you are?”
Rewriting the Limiting Thought Pattern
Recognizing the thought pattern was the hardest part. What I’m working on now is changing the thought pattern.
And to do that, I’m using the exact same SCFL (spot, check, flip, lock) framework that I teach my clients.
When I have strong aversion to a selfie I took, here’s what I do:
- I SPOT the thought first. Usually it’s something like, “this is embarrassing.” Or, “nobody needs to see this.” Or, “this looks self-important.”
- Then I CHECK it. Is the thought true? Or is that just an old thought trying to protect me from discomfort? Usually it’s the latter.
- Next I FLIP it. Not into some fake affirmation I don’t believe, but into the truth. “I’m trying to connect with people, so they can trust me and will benefit from my work.” Or, “visibility is part of running a coaching business.” Or maybe even, “I’m allowed to be seen.”
- And then comes the LOCK part. This is the least glamorous yet most important step. Repetition. Practice. Doing it over and over again. Letting it feel awkward and doing it anyway. Not once, but enough times that my nervous system stops acting like I’m under attack simply because I posted a picture of myself.
As I’m writing this email, I still don’t love selfies. I still don’t naturally want to post every personal story or put my face at the center of everything. That part hasn’t magically disappeared.
But I understand the resistance better now.
And because I understand it better, I don’t trust it as much.
And that’s progress.
This change doesn’t happen overnight. It happens gradually, with discipline and effort.
And it starts with the simple decision to stop letting an old thought pattern make decisions for me.
If you are having this same experience with something in your own life (may or may not be selfies!) I’d love to hear about it.
