“Rejection is merely a redirection.” —Bryant McGill, Simple Reminders
All limiting thought patterns have an origin. Sometimes it’s childhood memories. Sometimes it’s a relationship dynamic. And very often, it’s rejection.
In my work with leaders and teams, I’ve seen how often rejection becomes the starting point for self-limiting thought patterns.
We all experience rejection at one time or another. It could be a publisher who says no, a job offer that never comes, or a client proposal that isn’t accepted. No one gets through life with a 100% acceptance rate.
And yet…even if we know to expect it, it can still be extremely damaging to our self-image.
Why?
Because it isn’t just the moment of rejection that we internalize, it’s the meaning we assign to it.
Rejection often becomes painful not because of the event itself, but because of the story our brain begins to build around it.
How Rejection Starts a Limiting Thought Pattern
When I was younger, I was convinced I wanted to be a novelist.
I would get up at 4:30 am to write for two hours before going to my banking job. I attended writers’ conferences and mailed submissions to countless literary agents and publishers.
After work I’d come home and sort through my stack of mail. Every so often there would be yet another rejection letter waiting for me. The envelopes accumulated to the point where it became a familiar routine.
Faced with so many rejections, I found myself defaulting to one of two thoughts:
- “I still have a lot more to learn and figure out.”
- “I’m not a good writer.”
Notice the difference between the two. The first focuses forward, on growth, while the other— “I’m not a good writer”—targets the identity with a self-sabotaging thought.
If I had practiced the latter thought, it might have become such a firm belief that it convinced me to quit writing altogether.
That’s how rejection gets sticky, tempting us to draw false conclusions about our identity. Instead of thinking about how we can grow, our thoughts jump to “Maybe I’m not good enough” or “Maybe I’m not cut out for this”.
And once we believe those thoughts, we limit ourselves.
The alternative is to keep going with curiosity. The path ahead may look very different from the one you first imagined—but it may lead somewhere even more meaningful.
I have never published a novel. Not yet, anyway 🙂
But the time and effort I have dedicated to the craft of writing has not been wasted. I published a book about my parenting journey that has helped many people navigate the challenges of raising a neurodivergent child. In my work as a freelance writer, I have dabbled in everything from editorial and feature writing to radio scripts and business analysis. And today, my writing skills help me craft keynote speeches that encourage audiences to think differently about how they think.
As it turns out, writing has become one of the strongest assets in my career—just not in the way I’d originally imagined.
What Story Are You Telling Yourself?
When we face rejection, our inner critic quietly asks us, “Who do you think you are?”
How we answer that question influences what we do next—and ultimately who we become.
That’s why it’s so important to not let rejection write our story for us.
Here are some guidelines to apply when self-doubt starts to creep in:
- Don’t confuse rejection with identity. A “no” is feedback about one opportunity, not a verdict on your worth or your potential.
- Get curious before you get discouraged. Ask yourself what you can learn, improve, or approach differently next time.
- Remember that many decisions have little to do with you. Budgets change. Priorities shift. Someone may simply be looking for something different.
- Keep taking shots. One rejection feels enormous when it’s your only shot. It carries much less weight when you’re consistently creating new opportunities.
- Finally, pay attention to the story you’re telling yourself. We can’t always control whether we’re rejected, but we do have influence over the meaning we assign to that experience. And that meaning often determines what we do next.
Even old thought patterns born out of rejection aren’t permanent. We have the power to choose differently.
What choice will you make?
