“Don’t aim at success—the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it.” —Viktor Frankl
“I don’t know why I can’t feel successful.”
I had just finished a session with a coaching client when she said those words, and they hit a nerve. Because deep down I realized, “Me too.”
Here we were, two people considered ‘successful’ by external measures, and yet we still felt like we hadn’t achieved enough. Like we had to do more. But how much more would be enough?
It really made me stop and think.
We felt that way because we were hanging on to an outdated inner narrative. And if we kept believing that narrative, we would never feel the way we wanted to.
Something had to change.
Since then, I’ve started looking at success very differently. I learned some valuable lessons in 2025 that have helped change my outlook. Today, I want to share them with you.
Lessons Learned From 2025
There are so many things I could say on the topic of success and how we define it. But if I had to choose three, these are the ones that made the biggest difference for me in the past year:
1. You can’t out-perform your inner world.
In 2024, I talked a lot about how individual performance doesn’t automatically translate into effective leadership. In 2025, the lesson deepened. Even the most capable leaders can get derailed if their inner narrative is working against them.
I saw this over and over—in clients, in companies, and in myself. Achievements won’t help you escape your inner world. Your skillset can take you far, but it’s your thought patterns that determine whether you can stay there without burning out, shutting down, or shrinking.
2. Self-connection is the root of every other connection.
Humans are social creatures who crave connection, which is why success is tied so closely to relationships.
And this year made something unmistakably clear: when leaders are disconnected from themselves—emotionally, physically, energetically—every relationship around them suffers. Communication breaks down, teams misread intentions, and tension grows in the gaps left by avoidance.
Self-connection is vital for understanding your own picture of success. It sets the tone for psychological safety, trust, and clarity with both yourself and others.
3. Change is rarely about adding more—it’s about removing what’s in the way.
Leaders often assume transformation means adopting new habits, tools, and strategies. But in 2025, I watched the biggest breakthroughs happen when people let go.
They let go of outdated stories, inherited expectations, perfectionism, and roles they’d been unconsciously performing for years. And the more they let go, the more fulfilled they felt.
What we release can free up more potential than what we hold onto or acquire.
Taking It Forward Into 2026
We’ve been taught to measure success through external metrics. So often, we think in terms of goals, timelines, results, and achievements.
But none of that matters if we’re still stuck in an outdated inner narrative. Our growth isn’t measured by what we achieve, but by our ability to stop believing self-limiting stories.
So, if I had one piece of advice for you in 2026, it’s to focus more on internal processes than external factors.
- Notice your mental narratives before jumping to solutions. What stories are you telling yourself?
- Track how your emotions shape your decisions. (For example, frustration tends to lead to controlling decisions, avoidance leads to delayed decisions, etc.)
- Get to know your own body, and recognize the signals when your nervous system is telling you it’s overworked, reactive, or putting energy into something that’s not aligned with your values.
- Check whether your goals are coming from self-connection and clarity, or comparison, obligation, and even fear of “not doing/being enough.”
- Slow down long enough to think accurately so you can get out of instinctive reactions and into intentional leadership.
I’ve learned the feeling of success doesn’t come from executing tasks and accomplishing goals—no matter how many.
It comes when I stop letting an inherited, outdated, or fear-based narrative run the show.
If success just isn’t ‘hitting’ right now, you have the power to change it.
