“Women belong in all places where decisions are being made.”—Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Many of my female clients tell the same story:
They’re exhausted and burned out from taking on too much responsibility. They’re mentoring junior team members. They’re fixing problems no one asked them to fix. They’re answering emails late at night because “it’s just easier if I handle it.”
And yet, when I ask whether they’ve had a conversation with their manager about compensation, title, or scope, they get quiet. There’s usually some version of:
“I don’t want to seem difficult.”
“I don’t want them to think I’m ungrateful.”
“I don’t want to make it awkward.”
If this sounds familiar, let me tell you now: Nothing will change unless you speak up.
Ladies…if you don’t define your contribution, someone else will, and often incompletely.
You Are Your Best Advocate
As we recognize Women’s History Month, I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways old expectations still shape how women show up at work.
Many of us have absorbed the same message: stay under the radar, keep our heads down, avoid any potential conflicts, and wait to be noticed.
I used to work in corporate finance, and I know how it goes. Learning how to do my job was easy compared to learning how to speak up about my value.
When you’ve been conditioned to think that way, self-advocacy feels like a risk. The internal calculation sounds like this: “If I speak up, I might lose safety.”
And yet, if we don’t speak up, nothing happens. Silence doesn’t change the status quo.
If we want something in the workplace—better pay, a different title, more boundaries—it’s not going to land in our laps. We have to learn to ask for it with confidence.
But how?
The Strategic Ask
Effective self-advocacy is strategic. The conversation needs to become both clear and logical. It’s knowing both what you want and why you deserve it.
I suggest using some form of this approach:
- State the outcome you’re looking for: “I’d like to discuss expanding my role to reflect the responsibilities I’m currently handling.”
- Present measurable evidence to support that outcome: “Over the last six months, I’ve led X initiative, increased Y metric by Z%, and taken on A and B responsibilities beyond my scope.”
- Make a clear request: “I’d like to discuss adjusting my title/compensation to reflect this expanded scope. What would need to happen to make that possible?”
- Make it again. If the conversation doesn’t yield an immediate yes, continue to pull the thread by asking: “What measurable criteria would you need to see to move this forward?”
Many people skip step 3. Instead, they imply, hint, and then hope what they’re after is communicated. But clarity is what reduces anxiety and creates a tangible ask…making it harder for managers to dismiss your request.
From Clarity to Confidence
After clarity, the next biggest roadblock is confidence. Most women believe, “I’ll advocate once I feel confident.”
But I challenge you to flip that thought sequence. Confidence is a byproduct of advocacy, not a prerequisite for it.
Confidence is not an innate personality trait; it’s born out of experience. And the only way to build experience is to start taking action.
Ask for small things first. Document your wins, track outcomes, and practice stating your impact out loud. Each successful micro-ask rewires the fear response and grows your confidence.
The next time an opportunity to speak up presents itself, consider asking yourself, “Am I allowed to speak up?” followed by, “What happens if I don’t?”
