Your thoughts are choices you’re making. Are they wise choices?
Your brain is listening to every word you say to yourself. Over time, those thoughts become pathways—and those pathways become your reality.
What story are you rehearsing?
Here, I will help you identify the stories that may have become an uncomfortable reality and guide you toward changing that narrative.
Uncovering the Narrative of Your Inner Dialogue
The phrase “We are not our thoughts” is based on the idea that we cannot control our thoughts—that the brain just pumps them out like the heart pumps blood. While true, there’s more to it. Even if our thoughts don’t necessarily define us, they can create our reality.
Our inner dialogue—that voice inside our head that drones on throughout the day— echoes messages from our early life, when every experience got stored away in our growing brain and nervous system. If you had a hypercritical parent, your inner dialogue might repeat things like, “I will never be good enough, so why try?” If you were discouraged from pursuing your passion for writing by a college professor, you may hear their words every time you put pen to paper and tell yourself, “They were right, this is crap.” If self-limiting thoughts like these sound familiar, unpacking your inner dialogue could be a valuable and productive exercise.
Why do we do this to ourselves? In part, it’s because of how our brains are wired.
Think of your brain like a well-worn hiking trail—over time, repeated thoughts create paths that are easier to follow. This is the effect of priming: your brain filters new experiences through the lens of existing beliefs, activating familiar thought patterns while blocking out competing ones (called “activation/inhibition mode”), as if your brain is putting up ‘Do Not Enter’ signs on alternate routes. So if your inner voice says you’re not good enough, that path becomes the one you walk most often—making it harder to explore new trails, take risks, or see yourself differently.
It’s the same reason insecure people are more likely to interpret neutral comments as criticism, or why someone struggling with depression tends to fixate on the negative. Our brains are wired to reinforce what we already believe. But when we begin to disrupt these limiting thought patterns, we create space for more objective thinking—and with that, the power to make better choices.
Self-Affirmation: An Evidence-Based Tool for Healthier Thinking
Manifestation has become a popular topic in recent years, with authors and self-help influencers claiming that affirmations like “I am worthy of love, joy, and abundance, and I am open to receiving it” will bring forth positive outcomes. And while there is no scientific evidence backing this claim, research has shown that self-affirmation helps people manage their emotions while lessening negative emotions. It may also increase stress resilience, evidenced by a decrease in cortisol reactivity in stressful situations (Creswell et al., 2005) and in epinephrine levels during exams (Sherman et al., 2009).
Further, according to self-affirmation theory (Jo et al., 2024), those who self-affirm are less likely to distort perceived threats and more likely to respond objectively and openly. So, by self-affirming, we’re not only managing our emotions—we’re improving our ability to make good decisions.
Here are a few examples of confidence-building affirmations:
- I have done hard things and can do them again.
- Is the story I’m creating based on fact or fiction?
- I wouldn’t be in this position if people didn’t believe in me. Why not believe in myself?
- I am grateful to learn from my mistakes.
- I am growing and experiencing new opportunities.
A strategy I often teach to coaching clients and/or workshop participants is my Fear to Want strategy:
- On an index card, write down something you’re afraid of.
- On the flip side of the same card, reword the fear-based thought into a want.
- Repeat on 5-10 cards (or as many as it takes 🙂).
- Read the “wants” out loud to yourself. Feel how differently the words feel as you say them compared to the fear-based words on the flip side of the card.
A couple examples:
Fear-based thought: “I’m afraid my team will lose confidence in me.”
Want: “I want to lead my team in a way that instills trust and demonstrates vulnerability.”
Fear-based thought: “I’m afraid another candidate will get this job.”
Want: “I want to put my best foot forward and share my excitement for this role and how my experience makes me a good fit.
Get the idea? This exercise encourages you to shift from a fixed to a growth mindset, to speak desires with intention and purpose, and to create stronger neural pathways that can move you toward those desired outcomes instead of remaining stuck in fear-based thought patterns (and behaviors).
By consistently replacing self-limiting thoughts with positive, empowering affirmations, you will begin to carve new neural pathways and train your brain to support rather than sabotage you. Over time and with practice, this process will become more automatic, and your reality will begin to shift.
Conclusion
Inner dialogue that stems from early life experience can be stubborn and take time to change, but practice makes the process possible. As with any new skill, starting is often the hardest part. But you have the power to do it, and you can’t start any sooner than now.
Every thought is a possibility.
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